While there might be an expectation of cards, gifts, or candy to be shared by romantic couples on Sweetest Day (third Saturday in October), this tiny bit of history reminds us to make it a celebration of kindness, time, and love. In the early 1920s, Herbert Birch Kingston worked at a candy company in Cleveland, Ohio and partnered with others to establish Sweetest Day to bring happiness to those who could use extra cheer. Some of the first recipients of candy and small gifts included orphans and those who were confined to their homes. Movie stars of the 1930s celebrated by giving candy to Cleveland newspaper boys, theatregoers and patients in local hospitals.
In 1922, the Cleveland Plain Dealer encouraged readers to use this day to, “steal enough time from the turmoil of routine affairs to bring a bit of good cheer to those you love.” Although we might think immediately of romantic love, this celebration focuses on love and appreciation toward anyone. For many of us, that might include many family members and friends.
Five to one (5:1) is the “magic” ratio to building successful, close relationships. A stable and happy couple has more positive interactions than negative ones. While the original research by John Gottman was on intimate relationships between partners, the concept of five positive feelings or interactions to one negative feeling or interaction can be applicable to other healthy relationships as well. This relationship investment has also been described as emotional deposits. Using a piggy bank as a visual example, PAX Tools shared a video that was recorded during the 2020 shut down to give examples of how emotional deposits work to create strong relationships between parents and children. Another PAX Tools video explains “Kudos Notes” as one way to communicate praise to our children and they offer a free app for parents to help build strong relationships. Essentially, “Kudos Notes” are a specific message to praise a good choice or action, or for the adult to share a favorite thing about the child. The Gottman Institute, reminds, “remember that grand gestures aren’t the goal here.” Just realizing that we should not take our daily interactions for granted, is important.
For Sweetest Day (and any other day), couples are invited to sign up for a free, self-paced online class on communication, commitment, problem solving, and fun and friendship. The Strong Couples project offers the online classes, for free, in addition to five brief video calls with a trained coach. This educational program is not counseling. The program teaches couples to use tools that improve their relationship. This program is for couples together six months or longer in all life stages. The Strong Couples project is led by the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign and the University of Illinois Extension. Ohio State University Extension is a partner of this project.
Decide how you will, “steal enough time from the turmoil of routine affairs to bring a bit of good cheer to those you love” this Saturday as well as throughout the year. Every day can be Sweetest Day.
