I had a conversation with a friend one day about the special bond shared between a grandchild and grandparent. He grinned in an ornery fashion and said, “grandparents and grandchildren make great allies; they have a common enemy.” Of course, he meant this in great fun, but there really is an element of truth to this.
What child doesn’t utilize the favor of a grandparent to navigate around the unfavorable decision of their parent? Likewise, what grandparent doesn’t wish to bestow blessings to a child, especially if they know they can still agitate their own child in the process? What a comical display of family dynamics.Many grandparents have said, in reflection of their relationships with grandchildren, if they knew being a grandparent was so much fun, they would have had them first. What makes the relationship so valuable, fun, and worthwhile?
When empty nesters get comfortable with the new found freedom after their children move on with families of their own, they find that their stress levels surrounding accountability changes. They no longer answer to the needs of their children, nor are they accountable for their children; there is a lot of freedom here.
They also learn that they have more time flexibility, this is especially true in retirement. Their interests change and they often find that time is a much more fluid concept. They tend to be more spontaneous than when they were parenting, which is appealing to children.
Due to the family bond with their own children, grandparents find growing and nurturing a relationship with their grandchildren rewarding. My own mother reminds me often of how much my son reminds her of me when I was growing up; ornery, yet shy with sheepish grin and a twinkle in the eye. There is a lot of pride for grandparents. While they love their children unconditionally, often parents have to be the “bad guy” with setting boundaries and doling out punishment for poor behavior choices. Grandparents face far less of this not-so-appealing role in their relationship with grandchildren.
Grandchildren are the pride and accomplishment of grandparents. Through grandchildren, they see the fruit of their labor. They witness nurture and nature and are often happily satisfied with the results. The intended bond between grandparents and grandchildren is a source of endless joy and love.
As a bonus, grandparents play a critical role in the development of grandchildren without even realizing it. They have the potential to be the bonding agent for the entire extended family.
As grandparents age, they not only continue to be a role model for their children, but also for their grandchildren. They offer much support when they step out of their comfort zone and into the comfort zone of their grandchildren. Offering calm responses and gentle hands of support in sports and art activities isn’t just because they choose either. Aging people understand all too readily how it feels to be rushed, because they simply can’t keep up with a busy lifestyle anylonger.
This gives extra support to young people and allows an natural space for mentoring, relationship building and mutual trust building. doing these actions in a loving way for grandchildren can also support the relationship between the parent and child too. Grandparents play a stabilizing role for the sake of the whole family. Changing and shifting jobs, need for more cost effective measures of childcare, all play a role, and with this role, a need for support and love from parents, and grandparents.
Of course, living close by is the most ideal scenario, even if it means sacrificing in other ways. My current job has me commuting more than ninety miles daily. Many have asked why I do not just move closer to work? There is one primary answer: My Family. We live in close proximity and see each other often. I would not sacrifice that benefit for any job. The relationship I share with my parents and in-laws, and his relationship with them too, is far more valuable.
But what if relationship is long distant? The recent recession, coupled with the need to search wider for stable employment, has forced families to relocate. While individuals and families are moving far less(PDF) then they have in the past three years, relocating still happens.
Technology
With the advance of technology and many of the youth steeped in technological savvy, it is easier than ever to stay connected. It truly is the commitment to stay the course and dedicate time and energy to the long-distant relationship. While families do have busy lives, making time for relationships can be done successfully. Using phones, and the internet to make video calls or traditional telephone calls; send occasional hand-written letters or personal artwork. These “thinking of you” keepsakes will narrow any physical gap that may happen long-distant and are greatly underrated in the ties that bind. So, pick up the phone, click on Skype have grandchildren teach grandparents how to use technology.
Make time to meet in the middle, whether in person or long-distant. The road really does go both ways in every relationship; each person reaping endless benefits of love, care and commitment.
