Full Hands, Full Heart
“You sure do have your hands full!” I heard this comment quite often from friends, family, and strangers when my twins were young. This statement was often accompanied by a comforting pat on the back as if they were feeling my pain. I would often respond with a polite smile and nod. Deep down, I wondered how they could not see that I was truly blessed to be experiencing this time, including the struggles my little girls were facing.
My twins were born 8 weeks prematurely after a very tenuous pregnancy. 
When they arrived weighing 2 pounds 6 ounces and 3 pounds 8 ounces, I knew that we were going to be facing some very challenging times. I knew that we could face developmental delays or even profound disabilities. It could have been so easy for me to succumb to the stress of juggling the care of fragile newborn twins, doctor appointments, and therapy. Instead, I was able to face each moment realizing just how fortunate I was.
As I look back to that time, 20 years ago, I realize the importance of being mindful through each day, and employing mindful parenting skills as my daughters grew. First, rather than getting stuck in feeling guilty for their prematurity or questioning my ability to meet my daughters’ needs, I gave myself the permission to recognize this self-doubt and then move forward. This acceptance of my own emotions falls into the category of Compassion for Self and Child which is one of the five dimensions of Mindful Parenting mentioned in Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review. This article outlines the other four dimensions of mindful parenting as:
- Listening With Full Attention
- Emotional Awareness of Self and Child
- Self-regulation in the Parenting Relationship
- Nonjudgmental Acceptance of Self and Child
As a parent, the most important thing for me was employing the trait of Nonjudgemental Acceptance of Self and Child. I remember the joy I took in every single milestone they reached. When others would see twin girls having a meltdown and throwing themselves on the floor, I reveled in the fact that they were developmentally on target and were doing the same things as any other two year olds. Other parents would get frustrated when their children made messes, but when my girls crawled into the kitchen and threw cat food all over the floor, I celebrated the fact that they not only crawled into another room, but that they were also curiously exploring their world using the senses of sight, touch, and yes, taste! One day I walked in on incessant giggling to find a whole box of tissues pulled out and thrown around the room. Rather than getting angry at the mess, I sat and giggled with them looking at the beautiful and creative way they decorated their room.
As they grew up, I enjoyed every step of the way. I watched as they argued with each other, burned dinner, challenged curfew and rules, shrunk clothes, learned to drive, and go off to college. I was mindful that every challenge and triumph were a normal part of their growth, and that they were absolutely amazing. I chose to never rush a single minute of their lives, living moment to moment with an awareness of the beauty of every stage. This respect for their developmental stages allowed them to grow in an environment that was accepting and nonjudgmental.
When I think about mindfulness related to parenting, I believe it is the ideal context in which to extend the concepts and practices of mindfulness. Researchers note that the practice of mindful parenting can help parents deliver consistent messages related to goals and values in a calm manner. This allows for a warm and nurturing environment that promotes trust and emotional closeness.
As my twins finish their sophomore year of college, I am proud of the well-adjusted, confident women they have become. So as I think about the times I heard “You sure do have your hands full”, I can only reflect through the years, smile and think, “They are not nearly as full as my heart.”
Written by: Kathy Green, MS, Family and Consumer Sciences Educator, Ohio State University Extension, Clark County, Top Of Ohio EERA, green.1405@osu.edu
Reviewed by: Patrice Powers-Barker, MA, CFLE, Family and Consumer Sciences Educator, Ohio State University Extension, Lucas County, Maumee Valley EERA, powers-barker.1@osu.edu
