We all want the same thing, whether our relationship has just begun or we’ve been married for years: We want a healthy, mutually-satisfying relationship with the one we love.
We know from research and others’ example that this does not happen by chance; loving one’s partner is a choice. In order to last and remain strong, couples need to practice patterns of behavior that express kindness, understanding and commitment. Your identity as a couple, not as an individual, should be a priority.
Romantic gifts and gestures on holidays and anniversaries are one approach, but there are many other ways to celebrate and renew your marriage or relationship that may not require extra money, but may require a little extra work!
One way to build and express love for one another is to demonstrate care. Make an investment in your partner, regardless of what he/she does. It’s important that you show your affection and appreciation without waiting for him or her to earn it and that you not keep score of who’s investing more.
Second, know your partner’s personality, plans, perspective and passions. After being with a person for so long, we often think we understand him/her, but we can end up making assumptions. Knowing requires us to share with one another. This emotional intimacy can be built through meaningful time together. The more vulnerable couples are, the more satisfied they are with their marriage.
Be willing to work together to develop a mutually satisfying relationship, and set aside time to work on it. You might make a list with your spouse(PDF) of some things you would like to do together, including places you want to go, foods you want to try, movies you want to see, or new activities you would like- make sure they are all things you can do as a couple. Plan one or two times each month to check things off that list. Your time together does not need to be spent on a “date.” Simply having a purposeful 15-20 minutes at the start or end of the day and protecting your schedules from over-commitment can allow you to focus on one another…not the kids, work or the to-do list.
Finally, if you’re in love, conflicts will happen. Fight fair, and agree to disagree. A win-win situation can be reached when you are respectful in your communication, watching your words, your tone and your body language. Taking care of your own physical, emotional and mental health can also help; we do a better job at handling stress and are less likely to stir-up conflict when we are feeling good. You can’t always change the situation (or person) causing you stress, but there are many healthy ways to manage and cope with it.
You can find more suggestions on building stronger, more satisfying relationships whether you are a single, a premarital couple or a married couple online. The elements choose, care, share, manage, know and care for self are taken from the National Extension Relationship and Marriage Education Model based on extensive research.
These fundamentals, plus connect, or engaging in a supportive, positive social network, are the seven major thoughts and actions of strong and secure couple relationships.
