Hi, my name is Jenny and I’m a working mother. This is a new title for me. I have been an Extension Educator since 2016, but I did not become a mother until earlier this year.
While on maternity leave, I read the newly published book Making Motherhood Work: How Women Manage Careers and Caregiving by sociologist Caitlyn Collins. In this book, Collins summarizes 135 interviews that she completed with working mothers in 4 countries (Sweden, Germany, Italy and the United States) regarding their experiences with work-family conflict. Many of the stories shared by the American interviewees were hard to read. These stories made me sad, angry, or both, and it was far too easy for me to relate to their experiences.
In the introductory chapter to her book, aptly titled “SOS”, Collins states “It’s harder to be a working mother in the United States than in any other country in the developed world”. She argues that the reason life is so difficult for working American mothers is that “the principle of social responsibility is central to American society… if you have a family, it’s your job and yours alone to support it… US culture views having children as a lifestyle choice, much like having a pet. If you don’t have the time or money to care for a pet, or child, you shouldn’t have one.”
This statement resonated deeply with me. As a woman who enjoys her career, I was hesitant to start a family. I feared that (1) my work would suffer if I had a child, and (2) I would never be the best mother I could potentially be if I continued to work. After reading Collins book, I learned that I am not the only American woman who feels this way! According to Collins’ interviews, working American mothers feel pressured to be “ideal workers” while simultaneously engaging in what researchers have termed intensive mothering. When we are pulled in competing directions and try to give our all to each, we end up feeling guilty, like we’re failing, and that our work is subpar.
Throughout her book, Collins argues that work-family conflict of this magnitude is unhelpful and unnecessary. Rather than focusing on achieving work-family balance and managing work-family conflict, Collins suggests that women – and the societies in which they live – strive to realize work-family justice. She defines work-family justice as “a system in which each member of society has the opportunity and power to fully participate in both paid work and family care”. Doesn’t that sound lovely?! To be sure, massive shifts in our cultural norms and public policies will need to take place for work-family justice to be fully realized in our nation. But, rather than writing off those changes as too hard or too big and resigning to our current reality of work-family conflict, let’s consider taking baby steps toward work-family justice today. One first step might be to familiarize ourselves with what is possible and to start talking openly about desired alternatives.
In her interviews with American mothers, Collins was surprised to find that very few had stopped to consider what the government might do to help lessen their work-family conflict. Perhaps a state of work-family justice in our nation would include government supports such as paid parental leave and sick time, universal access to affordable, high-quality childcare, and/or universal health care. Work-family justice could also involve workplace practices and policies such as available part-time positions or job sharing arrangements with benefits, telecommuting options and flexible work schedules.
In the interim, while we dream about work-family justice but still work to manage our current work-family conflict, let’s try to remember to be kind to ourselves and know that our work and parenting endeavors need not be perfect. It’s okay if we don’t enroll our children in extracurricular activities, keep spotless households, make our own baby food and prepare home-cooked family meals each day. There are many ideal parenting practices toward which to strive, but we can only do so much. Decide what is most important to you and what will work for your family, and join me on the journey toward work-family justice.
