Face it- This year is going to be different. Try to embrace it and create new traditions.
Take a moment to take a deep breath, close your eyes and really think about the emotions you are feeling. Write them down, and one by one, without judgment, think about them and the source of each feeling.
Holidays bring back powerful memories that are both good and bad. Feel the feelings, don’t push them away. Take a moment if needed, to cry- it is a great release. If you have a good, non-judgmental friend you can talk to, do so.
Don’t hide your feelings from your children, if you do you are teaching them to deny them. Honest emotion is not bad, it helps us understand and move forward. If your children will be with their other parent on the holiday, make a plan before they leave about how and when you will celebrate together. Let them know it is ok to have fun at the other parent’s home.
Stay connected with your children and other family members by calling, writing or with social media. Also, take time to remember happy holiday memories and traditions. Write them down and share them with your child, niece or nephew, or remind your siblings of them- they may have some remembrances to share that you had forgotten.
Go easy on yourself and let go of unrealistic expectations. This may not be the year you bake 12 dozen cookies or make homemade gifts for everyone. If decorating feels overwhelming or sad try buying one or two new decorations and just have those out-maybe just for this year.
Don’t dwell on your sadness, but listen to it. Is it telling you something? Maybe it is time to make a change in your lifestyle or your relationships. Really review your friendships and reach out to those you feel are positive and say goodbye to those you realize are toxic. This may mean putting some distance between you and your co-parent or previous partner, at least for now.
The thoughts we choose determine our feelings, so try to be positive about your situation. Write in a gratitude journal, take care of yourself spiritually, and surround yourself with comforting friends and family.
Some Practical Ideas
- Make a specific plan for how you will spend the holidays. Knowing what you are going to do removes the worry that you will find yourself alone with nothing to do.
- Listen to relaxing music, not necessarily holiday music if that makes you sad.
- Attend a holiday play, a program or church service.
- Go outside and take a walk, look at the stars or check out the holiday lights in your neighborhood.
- Remember good healthy habits, continue to eat healthy and exercise. Nothing makes us feel better, stronger and more able to take on the world than exercise and good nutrition.
- See a movie, even if you go alone. Check out the reviews and then write one after. There are many websites that need reviewers for all kinds of activities, for instance, Netflix.
- Do you know anyone else who may be alone for the holidays? Organize an “orphans” brunch or dinner for others with no plans.
- Sign up for volunteer opportunities, many organizations are looking for extra help this time of year. Helping others always makes us feel positive about our lives.
Being alone this holiday allows you the freedom to do whatever you want for perhaps the first time in a long time. You may find you really enjoy it.
Written by: Terri Worthington, LISW-S, Family and Consumer Sciences Educator, Geauga County.
Reviewed by: Carmen Irving, Healthy Relationships Program Specialist, OSU Extension.
Celebrating Holidays without Family Members by Jennifer McCarthy http://familyservicesottawa.org/documents/EAP_NEWSLETTERS/English/Personal_Growth/celebrating_the_holidays_without_family_members.pdf
Holiday Depression is not Uncommon by Sam Quick Ph.D , University of Kentucky
