Aside from religion, the concept of family is the only social institution that crosses all geographic, cultural, and historical boundaries[1]. Simply put, family, however we define it, is a constant in our world. Similarly, the importance of family is a common value within countless societies, communities, and individuals. The family as a unit has taken many forms, both personal and political, throughout history; but family can be and mean anyone or anything. It could be who we lived with when we were young, who took care of us, who taught us, our partners, our kids, our pets, and anyone else from which we receive love and support. It could be all of those things, some of those things, or none of those things. Family dynamics and relationships vary tremendously and perhaps it is those you have chosen to be around that you consider family, rather than the person, people, or system that raised you. Regardless of what family means to us, the experiences we have in our home lives, positive and negative alike, play a major role in who we are as individuals and members of society.
“Family is not an important thing. It’s everything.” Michael J. Fox
A reminder of the importance of family support and how it affects us stands repeating this summer season, a time during which many groups publicly celebrate their LGBTQIA+[i] Pride.
As these celebrations take place, it is important for those outside this community to consider the need for strong, healthy, supportive, and loving family relationships in all of our communities. Because without that integral part of our lives, we suffer, and our communities suffer. How, you ask?
Tiffany was 15 the first time they were kicked out of their house. Tiffany shared the following in an interview on homeless LGBT youth in New York City, “My lowest point of trying to make it on the streets was three weeks ago. My girlfriend and I had to sleep on the roof of a building in the Bronx. It was raining cats and dogs. I let her sleep, and stayed awake to make sure we were safe.”[2]
Unfortunately, Tiffany is not alone; reports estimate there are up to 1.6 million homeless young people in the United States.[3] Nearly half (40%) of those youth identify as LGBT and have stories like Tiffany’s. A study by the Williams Institute at UCLA Law found that of those homeless LGBT youth, 46% of them ran away due to family rejection of their LGBT identity, 43% were forced out of the home by their parents, and 32% fled due to physical, emotional, or sexual abuse in their home.[4](PDF)
Further, several reports indicate the struggles faced by these youth often do not end once they have left or been rejected from their homes, depending on where they go next. There are multitudes of organizations that work to help such youth, but the need often surpasses available resources, as is the case with many public assistance and non-profit programs. Additionally, some shelters advertise help with the wrong intentions; they may have LGBT reformist beliefs and/or are not sensitive to the needs of youth with intersecting identities, such as LGBTQ youth of color. In an article about homelessness among gay youth of color, an LGBT outreach coordinator named Tamara stated, “There’s tons of places that take youth, but making sure they’re gay-friendly and safe…I think that’s still the biggest challenge. I’ve had youth refuse to go to certain places because they felt it wasn’t safe for them.”[5]
In addition to the stress of finding food and (safe) shelter, homeless LGBTGIA+ youth may also experience further abuse on the streets, such as being robbed or beaten.[6] If they end up in the foster and/or justice systems, they often experience further victimization and alienation as well.[7] A report by the equality project on LGBT youth and the justice system includes several harrowing accounts like the following:
“Police arrested 16-year-old Marco after he tried to defend himself against physical abuse by his father. The youth was charged with domestic assault, despite evidence that his father was beating him to punish him for being gay.”[8](PDF)
“Destiny, a 16-year-old transgender youth, faced relentless sexual and physical abuse while incarcerated in a boys’ facility. Her defense attorney refused to take any steps to ensure her safety. Rather than advocate for her release, he argued that her continued incarceration was necessary because of her nonconforming gender identity.”[9](PDF)
Structural and systemic level inequalities, like those faced by many LGBTQIA+ folks on a daily basis, will not change overnight nor without a society’s willingness and dedication to make some big changes in how we view gender and sexuality. Moreover, individual actions are just as important, especially when they involve our children.
If you’re a parent or plan to be a parent someday—you have the power to prevent this, and you don’t have to do it alone. You don’t even have to be loud and proud (although that is one form of affirmation). You just need to be willing to listen to your kid and look into some of the readily available resources on how to best support the varying identities of your LGBTQIA+ youth (some of which you will find at the end of this post). If you’re already doing that, and you have the means, consider donating to one of the organizations that serve LGBT youth here in Ohio. Regardless of your views on LGBTQIA+ identity, I hope we can agree that all youth have a right to the safety and security that a home, regular meals, and a caring family can and should provide to the best of their ability.
If you work in the foster or justice system (or with youth in any way)—there are resources for you too. (Check out this Hidden Injustice Report(PDF) or At the Intersections for starters.) Our biases aren’t always obvious to us, but they can still have very real effects on the people we work with. Unfortunately, evidence suggests that understanding and sensitivity to LGBT needs is lacking in these systems—allowing these systems the opportunity to hurt youth, rather than help them.
If you’re an extension professional—we are uniquely positioned to help our communities thrive, and that includes our LGBTQIA+ communities—of all races, ethnicities, nationalities, creeds, abilities, income levels, and every other identity that makes our communities whole. Some of the resources at the end of this post are a good starting point for figuring out how we can do that.
To end on a hopeful note—fortunately there are also wonderful accounts of love, support, and acceptance of LGBTQIA+ folks, my own story included. No life is without hardship, but compared to some LGBTQIA+ community members, there are privileges I have that others in my community do not—a supportive family, a roof over my head, and access to LGBTQIA+ affirming health care, to name a few.
I came to terms with my identity as an adult, so I probably would have managed had my family abruptly rejected me, but if I had been Tiffany’s age—I can only imagine how drastically different my mental, physical, and emotional health would be. I do know I wouldn’t be sitting at my computer writing this blog post though. I probably wouldn’t have graduated high school, let alone college or my master’s program. Odds are I wouldn’t have had access to any regular physical or mental health care. I certainly wouldn’t be working at Ohio State University or working on my PhD. I grew up in a small town in North Carolina—I have no idea where I would have gone had I found myself homeless because of my identity—and in such a small town, there would have been nowhere for me to hide from the shame and stigma, let alone the elements. There weren’t known organizations for homeless LGBTGIA+ youth in my tiny town when I was 15—I don’t even know if there are now, although I hope so. Simply put, I don’t know if I would have even made it to 2018 had I found myself in a position like Tiffany and countless other LGBTQ+ youth in this country. As such, although it doesn’t change the need for a family and/or a home, I also want to acknowledge the strength, resilience, and resolve of the homeless youth that make it to the next day, even when you don’t know what you’ll eat or where you’ll sleep when you get there. You’re not alone.
[i] LGBTQIA+ stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer (or Questioning), Intersex, and Asexual. Gender and sexual identity are both complex and not always fitting of one term or one box; the + is placed to encompass all such identities and any not listed here by name. I prefer to use this more inclusive acronym, however if a source I have referred to used “LGBT,” I did not change it.
Organizations assisting LGBT youth in Ohio (not exhaustive—if you know of more affirming organizations helping LGBTQIA+ youth in Ohio, please share them in the comments!):
LGBT Community Center of Greater Cleveland
Promise House Project-Toledo
Kaleidoscope Youth Center
Some resources for parents/advocates/educators/allies of LGBTQIA+ youth can be found here:
Parents and Friends for Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG)
The Trevor Project
Talking About Suicide and LGBT Populations
Just as They Are: Harms of Conversion Therapy
Resources for Families, Educators and Allies
Report on LGBTQ Youth of Color(PDF)
Resource for Advocates, Providers, Policy Makers
University of Southern California: LGBT Resource Center
Helping Families Support Their Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) Children(PDF)
HRC: Children & Youth Focused Resources
Out and Proud: LGBT Youth Share Their Stories
2018 LGBTQ Youth Report
Some resources for LGBTQIA+ youth can be found here:
Resources for LGBTQ Youth By State(PDF)
Suicide Prevention Lifeline for LGBTQ+
Advocates for Youth
Resources for LGBTQ Youth of Color
Survival Guide for Independent LGBTQ Youth(PDF)
LGBT Youth: Telling OUR Stories, LGBT youth of color share their stories
Trevor Support Center and Suicide Prevention
CDC Resources on Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Health
GLAAD: LGBTQ advocacy organization
Hotlines:
FOR GLBTQ YOUTH
1.800.850.8078
Trevor Helpline Crisis Intervention for LGBT Youth
24 hours a day, seven days a week
1.888.843.4564 (THE GLNH)
GLNH: Gay & Lesbian National Hotline
Monday – Friday, 6:00 PM-11:00 PM Eastern Time
FOR HOMELESS AND RUNAWAY YOUTH
1.800.999.9999
The Nine Line
24 hours a day, seven days a week
1.800.231.6946
National Runaway Switchboard
24 hours a day, seven days a week
FOR STI/HIV and AIDS INFORMATION
1.800.227.8922
STD Info Line
Monday – Friday, 8:00 AM – 11:00 PM Eastern Time
1.800.CDC.INFO
National AIDS Information Line
24 hours a day, seven days a week
FOR SUBSTANCE ABUSE INFORMATION
1.800.252.6465
Alcohol Hotline
24 hours a day, seven days a week
FOR SURVIVORS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
National Domestic Violence Hotline
24 hours a day, seven days a week
FOR THOSE CONSIDERING SUICIDE
1-800-273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
24 hours a day, seven days a week
Note: I can’t 100% verify all resources/organizations referenced above are ALWAYS affirming in their scholarship/actions/intentions; please read mindfully and if you have evidence indicating some of the above resources are not safe or have anti-LGBTQIA+ motives, please let me know at fawcett.116@osu.edu!
