I should have read more to my kids…
I should have spent less time at work…
I should have had more courage…
I should have spent less time worrying about what other think about me…
I should have left that job months ago…
I should have saved more money…
I should have said thank you more to those who influenced my life…
I should have said I love you more often…
Recently, I had an emotional conversation with my son. He had just heard returned from an overnight hiking quest. He had displayed his knowledge of survival skills, hiking gear, trail food prep and foul weather preparation to a close friend of his. His friend was impressed with his knowledge and the way he explained all the components of a successful and enjoyable adventure. After he returned, he was talking about their trip but at the end, he remembered where he learned most of his knowledge and skills. It was from one of his previous Boy Scout leaders who had recently succumbed to a long battle of cancer. He said, “I should have told Becky how much I appreciated all that she had taught me and for the time that she spent with me when I was in scouting.” An emotional moment of regret for an Eagle Scout that just returned from Syria a few months ago while leading his platoon in numerous missions while serving the U.S. Army. I know she knew of his appreciation, but I believe he just wanted to say thank you one more time.
There are too many stories in one’s life that start out with, I should have…
As we may be unable to come and go as we are used to doing, have you had time to reflect on some of your I should have… or regret moments in your life? Jim Rohn stated, “we must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment”. Regret is both a feeling and a pattern of thinking where one dwells on or constantly replays and thinks about an event, reactions or other actions that could have been taken.
Everyone has regrets but the greatest of those are those we cannot change. Life can be challenging is an incorrect statement, life IS challenging, for everyone. Whether personal, financial, career-oriented, wellness or relationship misgivings, we all have them. So, we have these regrets, what do we do?
That depends on one question, can the regret be undone? Truly, the regret can never be undone but we could take full advantage of the opportunity to ask for forgiveness and try to undo the damage that has been done. First, you must identify your regret. These may be different from person to person, but feelings of regret include sadness, loss, remorse, anger, shame, and anxiety. Identify these feelings related to regret. For example, you may have the thought of a past act and then you think about this event for much of the day. This can leave you feeling defeated and hopeless. You may think about what you did or said, or you may think about what you wished you had done differently to change your current situation. Regrets can come from lifestyle, work, family, children, marriage, interpersonal relationships, disagreements with friends or a colleague. No matter where your regrets are initiated, you can get past those with some positive thinking.
Here are some ways to work beyond our “I should have” …feelings.
- Build empathy for others.You’re not the only one feeling regretful about something. Consider what others may be going through. Remember that empathy helps you to better understand the feelings of others. This may require you to challenge your own prejudices and truly listen to others.
- Practice self-forgiveness.Regret can cause resentment towards yourself and others. Instead, learn to forgive yourself. Not only will this reduce your feelings of regret, but it can improve your self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem is critical to many areas of your life, including relationships.
- Practice daily affirmations.An affirmation is a positive statement to encourage, uplift you, and make you more compassionate towards yourself. Having compassion for yourself makes it easier to empathize and forgive your past-self, which can reduce feelings of regret. Tell yourself, write, or think the affirmations.
After reading this article, find some time and think about some of your I should have … moments you have in your life. Think of some of the ways to work beyond them no matter how difficult the task may be. I know from experience; it is an uplifting experience that you hopefully will have the same feeling.
