Keeping Connected with Your College Kid

As the start of many colleges is in progress, many parents and their college-age student will be away from each other for an extended period of time, maybe for the first time. Whether this is the first time your child is off to college, or you are a veteran empty nester, it is a difficult but important transition for both college student and parent.

This transition is accompanied with new found independence, exploration, and changing or shifting roles for college students. Equally for parents, this transition may be difficult as the change in family structure and roles within the family may be different. Both for the sake of parent and for the child, it is important that parents and their college-age student keep in contact, have good communication, and keep the parent-child relationship intact throughout this transition.

The transition to college presents many challenges for both parent and child. It has been found that a supportive parent-child relationship during this college time has a positive influence on student grades and performance (Fass & Tubman, 2002). Parents also have a vast influence on college choice and major (Workman, 2015).There is a fine line between being connected with your college student and being overly involved. Too much parental contact has a disruptive and potentially negative influence on their socialization with others; it also negatively impacts self-sufficiency.

According to Erikson’s stages of development the college-age student is going through their period of exploring their identity. College is a time of new found independence and so many new things to explore and try. This would be the time to encourage your student to try something new or join a club or activity in order to explore their identity. Ask open ended questions to get the conversation flowing, keep an open mind, and always be encouraging. As students are exploring their new identity and independence it is still important to keep connected with them throughout their college years.

Technology has come a long way, making it an easy avenue for keeping connected with those near and far. Texting is an easy way get and send short updates, ask questions, or have full conversations. Texting is especially useful when a person may not have time to have a conversation but can answer and text throughout the day. Phone calls and video chatting such as Skype or FaceTime, email, and the use of social media are all great ways to keep in touch. Sending the occasional care package is greatly appreciated (even if they don’t admit it). This is especially useful and appreciated before or after a big test, project, or finals. Regular snail mail is just as good, and sending a hand written note of encouragement, or an update on what is happening on the home front may help your student feel more connected.

With new readily accessible technology comes great responsibility; the key is to keep it simple and low key. Of course you want to make sure your child is going to class and eating more than Raman noodles, however, calling every day or constantly texting will make it more likely they will shut you out. Many students will be open to communication when they are the one who initiates contact, so be patient.

One final way to keep connected with your college-aged student is to plan to visit. If your child’s college has a parent’s weekend make sure to take advantage of spending some quality time with your son or daughter. When visiting, remember that you are now on their turf. Make time to explore what their favorite places are and where they like to go and do. This can give insight into their new found independent life, as well as, give you future conversation topics when you are on the phone.

Overall, it is important to keep the lines of communication open during this transition. In doing so, your college student will feel supported during one of their biggest life transitions.

References

Fass, M. E. & Tubman, J.G. 2002. The influence of parental and peer attachment on college students’ academic achievement. Psychology in the Schools, 39, 561-573.

National Center for College Admission Counseling http://www.nacacnet.org/studentinfo/articles/Pages/Relationships.aspx

University of Michigan Parent Support http://parents.umich.edu/newstudent/parenting/supporting.php

Workman, J.L. 2015. Parental influence on exploratory students’ college choice, major, and career decision making. College Student Journal, 49, 23-30.