One of my favorite classes while in college was a seminar called “Promoting Resilience”. The concept of resilience has always intrigued me, how some people who have the world against them are still able to pick themselves up and keep going. This is especially important in children. With so many negatives and challenges children face, it is important to focus on building this ability to bounce back. Building resilience with children really starts within the family. One of the most important factors in helping children develop resilience is to have a consistent caring adult as part of his or her life. As a caring adult there are several practical ways you can help children in their quest to develop resilience.
- Show empathy. Empathy is the ability to put yourself in your child’s shoes and see the world through their eyes. Empathy also involves appreciating and validating your child’s point of view-even if you don’t agree.
- Change negative scripts. When the same way of asking or saying something to your child doesn’t work, change the way you say it to be more positive and you may get better results.
- Use active listening and good communication. This includes validating and really understanding what your child is trying to say and responding in a way that does not power struggles. Do not interrupt, don’t tell the child how they should feel, and avoid using absolute words like never and always.
- Show appreciation. This goes back to having a caring adult in the child’s life. When an adult lets the child know that he or she is appreciated this will help their confidence and help them feel loved.
- Accept children for who they are. It is important to accept who the child is and not who you want them to be or to have unrealistic expectations for the child to meet.
- Find the strengths of the child and build their competence. Find what your child is good at and build upon that strength. When children feel they are good at something it is a confidence booster.
- Help children realize that mistakes can be learning opportunities. Help children understand that mistakes are not failures, but rather a chance to learn. Engaging them in conversation about what could have been done differently and what could be learned from the mistake helps build that trusting relationship
- Give children opportunities to contribute. By having children help promotes responsible behaviors and ensures that they are trusted. The successful accomplishment of a task can also foster confidence.
- Teach them how to solve problems. To foster problem solving, it is important to refrain from telling the child what to do and instead have them come up with and consider different solutions.
- Use discipline to promote self-worth. Having clear consistent rules and limits helps promote prevention of behavior problems from occurring. There also needs to be fair consequences that do not harm or degrade the child.
Resilient children will grow into resilient adults, and building this foundation at a young age will ensure that children will be able to handle difficult situations and live a fulfilling life.
Brooks, R.B., & Goldstein, S. (2011). Raising resilient children. In G. P. Koocher & A. M. LaGreca (Eds.), The parents’ guide to psychological first aid (pp. 142-150). New York, NY: Oxford University Press.
